The only monster I was fighting with was me from the very beginning.

As far as I am concerned in my life's archives, I can understand sometimes that my problem is actually with people, therefore... with--myself.

I would always think and try to convince myself people wanted to hurt me, or didn't give a fuck about me, I mean I have-- a bad and angry reaction in their every "non-compliment" word. I was, and maybe still am, afraid they wouldn't let me express myself, that they always would love to watch me burning, that... they wouldn't accept me as I was--

I don't care what you think I am. Whatever word you use only means the same as nothing to me--I mean it's only a word that would never compare to what I'm feeling inside but, as long as you wanted to just describe it in the best existing way, everyone's word would have exactly the same meaning as the other one's. But as long as I managed to love you, you better throw your critics in my face like spitting saliva, than not say it at all, because that's how I can learn who I really am, or at least what I appear to be. It's like the mirror: it's only how you see yourself... The camera (other people's eyes) is how others see you. There has to be a balance, though... but I don't care as long as I keep on fighting with the monster called "My Self". It is said to cause all my crying and my phobias apparently... But now I've learned I have to fight it and not give it away. That would only happen after I had defeated it. But that's not the point, no...

First I have to clean myself from every thought, everything unwanted that is fighting like a baby in my belly that has outnumbered every childbirth in the world, staying in there for years instead of months... But still, I'm being chased by something I can't see because I can't and don't want to look behind my back.